NUTSON'S REVIEW
The Minnesota Lynx win the WNBA Championship
Recently, I’m not sure exactly when, the Minnesota Lynx WNBA team won that league’s championship. They beat another team, I want to say the Dream maybe, and I’m pretty sure it was part of a series of games, but I’m not actually sure about that. It might have just been one game. It wasn’t on TV I don’t think, so I can’t really be sure. In any event, I’m almost positive the Lynx won. I’m pretty sure because sometime after they won, there was a parade. That’s right. There was a parade in downtown Minneapolis, an actual City, to celebrate the Lynx probably winning the WNBA title against another team, possibly the Dream, in one or more games of women’s basketball.
You may be wondering if any of this is true. I don’t blame you. But I have proof. First, we know the Lynx is/are real because it/they have a mascot.
I am going to assume that is a Lynx. Its name is Prowl. I’m pretty sure that’s the name of an Autobot, but whatever. Prowl it is. I think this photo shows Prowl riding in a golf cart on Nicollet Mall in Minneapolis. And I count at least 11 people in the photo who are possibly spectators and not just poor unfortunate souls who happened across this procession.
Still don’t think this happened? Then explain this:
Well, ok, I don’t really know what this is. It was on the Lynx official website under the heading ‘parade photos’ so I assumed it was from their victory parade. One would imagine a Lynx photographer or PR rep took 100s of photos of the parade and then selected the very best ones to go on their oft-visited website (part of the ‘picnic-rape’ family of websites ©). So I will assume this is one of the best photos of the parade, showing all the pageantry and bustling crowds one would expect. Mostly it looks like some kids with drums walked by a second-tier coffee place while one white dude on the sidewalk thumbed his junk through the pocket of his JC Penney cargo shorts. All hail the victorious Lynx!
There are some die-hard Lynx fans out there though. And the parade was really a way for the team to say thanks to them. The players have already been showered with fame and riches and probably a free Lynx swoosh bag, so it’s time for the fans to be rewarded for their support during the long, however many games long, WNBA season.
And there they are. The fans. Well, the four female-appearing humans holding that banner probably work for the team in some capacity, so they don’t count, but I think maybe that woman standing behind them is a fan, or at least the complete jackass in the blue spandex bodysuit, or…wait a second! This is the same coffee shop and the same lame ass white guy on the sidewalk we saw in the last photo! Motherfucking Lynx. That’s the oldest trick in the parade-photo-taking book.
But let’s not lose sight of what this is really all about. The WNBA has been around for some number of years now. The Minnesota Lynx appears to have won the championship and they got a parade for doing so. You know, like the guys who landed on the moon got. Or like the one when WWII ended. Or the one when JFK got shot. Wait, I guess that wasn’t a parade, but you get the idea. The Lynx parade has done for parades exactly what the WNBA has done for professional sports. Let a yeasty snail-trail across its chest and a soaked used queen sized pad with wings in its bathroom garbage can. Congratulations Lynx. Now all professional sports need a hot shower and a bar of lava soap
