GenCon, the sights, the sounds, the redheads. What percentage of the total nations population is made up of redheads? Five maybe ten percent. At Gencon, that number had to be somewhere between thirty-five and forty percent. I mean, you can't find that many losers at Denny's at 1:00 a.m. on a Sunday morning. Not that I am ungrateful for GenCon. It always serves to remind me how far I have to go to realize true geekdom. I am grateful that there is an event where one can proadly display their shitty tastless fantasy art. I am glad that there is a place where some fat zit faced dildo thinks its cool to dress up like a drow elf. I am especially pleased that there is a trade show where some purveyor of role-playing aids hires the same scrawny scank year after year to dress up in a chainmail bikini to help hawk their pathetic wares. God bless America.
Alex
My GenCon 2002 Haiku
well used mayo pump
bad odor converse hightops
royal crown soda
Jason
Gencon, "What is Gencon", I was thinking crammed in the back seat of Nutsuns Honda Pseudo SUV.....Such anticipation.....will there be others like me there?
upon arrival to the midwest express center, we donned Game hole shirts and pack mentalities. It was ON, BAYBAY, yeah! And even before entering the place I knew, there was nobody in there like me, nobody in therelike us, we were the outcasts of the outcasts.......First trenchcoat was sighted before entry, in 90 degrees...guess the little fuckin ghoulie creep didnt want to add anycolor to his grey dripping hide.....
Enter: Gencon I was blown away....never have I seen so many people who spend most of their lives in front of a computer or indoors constantly.....pale skin, goths, and other forms of human refuse treaded through the place....some of the dirtball lookin kids with trenchcoats sure looked tough even though they weighed like 120 lbs. I am sure they could give any ogre a good tussle. I got pitched into a Cling-on Prison for some charity, I think it was Jerry's Kids or some other tardie foundation, but they thought it would be fun to fuck with me a bit in the cell...fine. They told me I had to sing a song. Fine, theys said YMCA. Fine. They gave me a sheet with the words. Unfortunately for them it had other songs on it. I have always had a problem with Authority so of course I started singing a song called Inchworm at the top of my lungs. Now, I dont have a nice singing voice but it does carry and is rather large..... I cleared out the fuckin place, the cling-ons were pissed and I almost got thrown out of prison.
Chili in bread bowls were served in concession stands, a hormel delight..ew. I went with the chicago style italian sausage which I bought from a stand full of brothers....oh yeah..brothers. Not many black folks there, or any other race for that matter. I wonder if I should inform the NAACP about that. Anyway, there were a couple of asholes dressed up as Drow with black shoe polish on themselves (Drow are Dark elves, right? Live underground, yada yada) Can you imagine what happened when those dipshits left the building and a bunch of black dudes saw them?
Art, ah yes , I do love art, We saw an airbrush stand *juk juk* they had fanny packs and hats *juk juk juk* and they airbrushed WIZARDS and DRAGONS onto them!!!! *JUK JUK JUK JUK .UUUHHHGGNNNNNN!*
They also had an art exhibit. There was one stunning piece all done in blues that was a Kracken destrying a cruise ship that was fucking beautiful, the motion, the feel. Other than that,,,,the paintings and art sucked ass big time, too busy, too many gaudy colors , tits that were silicone looking. OK advice to fantasy Artists: JERKOFFS , get a fucking female model! PAY for it, you have to pay for sex, why not have her pose for your shit ass drawings as well?
Want dice? Fuck you could have had a blast with a wrist rocket (not THAT wrist rocket, sicko) in that joint. Takin potshots at zitty red heads, how sweet would that be.
Redheads, oh yeah, they were there, check out the profile on that one next to me, looks like a chicken with a wig on. And the one next to alex, he baught the EXACT same shit from the vendo...I think he was tryin to make a love connection; "Yes, I to am a capricorn", I heard the red head say as his hand was workin in his pocket Juk Juk.....
It was serious fun messing with the people all dressed up. We got some great photos, notice Sean with the piss weasle dude. We told him that we have a game web site and we wanted a photo of him to put up. He said he to had a site about some shit, which we brushed off quite quickly. Look, dunskie, we just want a photo of your sorry ass, not a sales pitch.
It was a great time. Alex got a great battle axe from a guy thatmakes REAL weapons and tests them on illegal aliens he catches. When you buy a battle axe you get a free military pick. That dude said (Re: the military pick): "the law of physics tell us that when you swing this at a wetback's head , er I mean, Melon, it will bury itself!" Yeah, great, psycho man, just give me the fuckin axe and I will be on my way.....
Gencon will be sorely missed. In its whiteyness, I have never seen such a diversity of geekdom : card games, d20 games, computer games....it was all there. is it worth driving down to Indy for? You BET!
Andy
Gen Con the gaming convention was fun. But lets not forget Gen-Con the construction company based in Jordan Minnesota...
On February 26, 2002, six bids were received for plumbing replacements projects from the 2000 Bond Referendum at Garfield and Washington Schools and Science/Tech room upgrades at Dakota Meadows, East and West High Schools (Health & Safety projects). Mr. Sutter made a motion to approve the low bid of $558,778 as submitted by Gen-Con, Inc. of Jordan. Ms. Brynaert seconded the motion and it carried on a 7-0 roll call vote.
I'm glad I went to Gen Con the gaming convention, but this exciting school board bulletin has turned me on to the new Gen-Con and the wide world of building stuff. (I imagine this construction company occasionally gets some correspondence that baffles them.)
Matt
Despite the passage of time since GENCON I find that the sights and sounds are so ingrained in my psyche that if I am to merely close my eyes I may return to the revelry. It was in a word "breathtaking", from the Klingon Jailor to the piss-weasel to the purveyor of the "laws of physics." Rarely has one edifice's occupants gone so far to disprove the now clearly defunct ramblings of Darwin. This was evidenced if in nothing else(and believe me that's not the case) by the overwhelming population of redheads. For Gods sake is there any creature which is less fit for survival than the garish horror that is the "redhead." Departing from what could only become a rant regarding the "human" population, I must move to the comestibles available at "The Con." Even I, the self-proclaimed scentless wonder, was still nearly rent asunder by the felonious scents of sweet and sour kitty mating with those of the "Bag O' Mini-donuts" stand. Truly if terrorists were to in some way incorporate this concoction into a chemical offensive the free world could be brought to its knees in a matter of days. In all, however, GENCON was a brief glimpse into a reality which seems to only brush with ours once a year then allowing its inhabitants to slip quitely back into the darkness from whence they came. I will conclude by merely giving a well deserved nod to the marvel that is GENCON for providing both my own hole and "THE HOLE" with a number of wondrous items.(le jug, no?)
Sean
Andy tries on a classy airbrushed hat and fag-bag.
Two real Renaissance men - except they didn't have glasses then, but that's cool.
Sean about to depart on a bathroom break with his new friend.
"Maybe you should flip him over!"
Horrific ugly redhead #1!
Kammer und Fraulien.
Matt mit Frauen.
Andy is arrested for "burning private urine" - whatever that is.
Q-dog repays his debt to society in a Klingon jail..
Wait, you mean the fat guy is the Dm? No way.
That's right, the gamers have finally been placed in 'camps'.
Lampin in the stands.
Andy's spine still hasn't straightened since his time in the pokey.
Horrific ugly redhead #2. "I've spent more on dice today then I have on food for the past two weeks. Could I buy some of this mapping paper from you with a piece of my mortal soul?" Juk-juk-juk-juk-juk.
