Sun Goddess by Franz Frazetta

NUTSON'S REVIEW

This is an unsettling piece. It isn’t horrible all at once. Rather, it lulls you into thinking it is just typical fantasy art pap, and then smacks you with a mushroom tattoo right on the cheek.

For starters, I have to admit I'm not a big cat guy. I don’t hate them, but I sure don’t like them. I think of them as furry little alligators, with dead eyes and some sinister plan that involves me not being as comfortable as I am right now. I know some people really get it for cats, which reminds me of one of the many quotes about fucking cats, this one from Pratchett, I think:

“I meant,” said Ipslore bitterly, “what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?”

Death thought about it.

“Cats,” he said eventually. “Cats are nice.”

So yeah. Cats sure are nice. At least some cats are. I get that is how most of you feel. Cats are pretty nice. Or at worst, innocuous. Well not this mother fucker. And that’s how this piece first starts to drag its bag across your partially opened mouth. This is about the most uncool looking cat I’ve ever seen. Not even Cringer would worry about this donk.

This might be the most superfluous cat in the history of superfluous cats. And if you’ve ever walked through a series of office cubicles with cat posters every fucking place, you know that is really saying something. What is this cat even doing here? This piece features a saber-toothed tiger looking creature, but it has no eyelids. Even the master artist Jim Davis knows cats have gigantic eyelids.

It gets worse for this cat though. It is just plain concerned. Cats are supposed to be laid back and easygoing. This poor fucker just ain’t right. His ears are downturned, and he can’t close his mouth. Maybe he’s out of breath from climbing this mountain just to watch this chick re-enact a shampoo commercial pose. Or maybe he’s thinking she’s about to plunge that nice big knife into him. Maybe he’s just afraid of heights. Whatever it is, he is definitely not purring. If a cat can’t get comfortable, that is a clear signal that we shouldn’t be comfortable. Off-putting, that.

Even if you can ignore the cat, its owner is just as wrong. Again, not way wrong, just wrong enough to make you think you ate some Arby’s recently. Overall, she is depicted fairly tamely by fantasy art standards. So your guard is down. But then you notice that she is not a traditionally ‘fit’ fantasy art maven. Perhaps the knife is for some DIY lipo on that gunt. Consider – she is all stretched out. If she had her hands at her sides, she would look a lot like Tom Arnold. I also question if anyone is ever really as emotional as this gal. You climb all the way up onto that rock and then throw your arms in the air and let your hair blow and just take it in? Sadly, there aren’t really Michael Bay orchestral fanfares that play in real life when you reach the top of a mountain. More likely this chick is just hearing her Down Syndrome tiger panting and wondering why rapture smells like tuna breath.

Why the anger Nutson? I’ll tell you why. My first draft of this review started with “This piece actually isn’t that bad.” But then I remembered to set it aside, and think about it. And that’s when I realized this particular piece is insidious in how it is camouflaged as ordinary, when really it’s about as satisfying as an HJ from a drunk chick in a country bar bathroom. Fucking art. Get your shit together already.

ROD'S REVIEW

This piece is well worth reviewing for the Gamehole’s fantasy art review. Not for any artistic quality of the depiction of the woman and beast itself, of course. With this image, what's most interesting is not explicitly represented by the artist. The artist makes obvious that the femme-maestro on the jutting rock podium, with baton in hand, and pre-historic sabre-toothed cat in supporting role, is at a musical climax directing an orchestra of fantastical players. What is most interesting, of course, is imagining which extinct mammals are playing the instruments out of view. Dire wolf on violin perhaps? Cave bear on the cello? Maybe a mastadon playing the tuba. The artist proves that what is not pictorially represented can often times be much more interesting than the image itself.

Sally Jupiter Pin-up by James Jean

Is“Nose Art” art?  Is it “Fantasy Art”?  Popularized by glorified porn king Alberto Vargas, who drew cans and nips for Esquire Magazine back in the day, what are we to make of this?  To me, nose art is to fantasy art what Slick Rick is to rap.  A sort of retarded, dumbed-down, donkey-style that you tolerate, but only momentarily.  If anything, nose art is a nice reminder of how little it took to titillate in the 1940s and 1950s.  Now-a-days it takes .000008 seconds to get images of Japanese women with bowling pins stuffed up their asses on the Internets, but 60 years ago you had to work hard to get a steamy image like this of a woman taking her wholly impractical glove off.  So hot. 

I like to think of the impact nose art had on the people on the ground.  It’s hard to imagine flocks of airplanes flying overhead.  I hear it was very impressive, scary, noisy, and intimidating.  But think for a moment how reassuring it must have been for that starving little Jewish dude in Dachau to see hundreds of B-24s passing overhead on their way to bomb some already fucked up German city emblazoned by dolls with ample gams.  That must’ve made it all seem worth it.  And isn’t that really what art is all about?  Giving hope?  So you had your fillings extracted.  So you haven’t eaten in days.  So you’re going to be huffing Zyklon any time now.  At least the physically impossible, or “fantastic” cans on the Betty flying overhead allow for a bit of daydreaming and escape.  And yes, that’s what fantasy art does for us still today. 

So, I guess Nose Art is Fantasy Art after all.  Dachau has been replaced by a Panchero’s, and Nose Art has been replaced by the guy sitting near you trolling the Maxim website, but really, not much has changed.  Tits and boots will pretty much always get it done, and as long as you don’t start jerking it in front of anyone, pap like this will continue to be graciously called “art”

JASON'S REVIEW

So did anyone hear about this movie, Watchmen? Apparently it was adapted from some influential comic book written by Alan Moore. I’ve read somewhere that Moore is notable for being one of the first writers to apply literary and formalist sensibilities to the mainstream of the medium, as well as including challenging subject matter and adult themes.

Okay, I didn’t read that, I cut and pasted it from Wikipedia. I was going to look up what “formalist” means so I could drop a little faux-erudition on all ya’alls asses, but then I decided why bother, because this chick from the movie/comic, Sally Jupiter, has a great big rack. And really, do I need a crowdsourced encyclopedia to explain to me what a formalist is when there’s a couple of pointy, stylized nipples staring me in the face? Probably not. So you can take all your fancy book learnin’ and use it for things like science and unlocking the mysteries of the universe while I check me out some comic book titties. Who watches the tits of the Watchmen while they’re watching the Watchmen? I do. And you should, too.

Black Magic by Leonid Kozienko

SCOTT'S REVIEW

Well the thought of doing this on back to back months didn’t really make my day but what else was I suppose to at work. I mean really, an energy advisor working…. shit with that sweet stimulus money coming down the shoot and the thought of paying that off for the rest of my life, what a better way to fuck off and spend some tax payer money on a art review.   SWEEEET!

So the hunt for the piece of the month was started, many a website did I visit and many pieces of so called “art” was viewed, then I found Ms. Black Magic.  HELLO!

What could I do, I was drawn to her, getting sucked into her bosoms, and the beauty of this piece was something I could not deny.  Or could have been the grand tetons position on her chest. I don’t know.

Anyway, the art has a Wonderful quality to it, the piece flows with its many layers of color and contrast. It draws you in and doesn’t let you go, as all good art should do.

 Now, the fire eyes, big breasts, the lack of a costume helps “sell” the art work but it’s the color contrast and the fullness of the art that make the piece work. WHATEVER!

 Fuck, who am I kidding; I like naughty girls with white hair and a huge rack and have magical abilities. NERD! 

O.K. focus on the art……The detail portrayed in clothing and the amour is masterful, along with the layering of color suits the depth and contour that need to be portray to make the art work. A well done piece. BLAH…BLAH….BLAH

But let’s get into the painting, what does it say…what is its meaning. Shit If I could get my eyes of her titties I could tell you. But seriously, she is a woman of great power and confidence. Taking what she wants, when she wants it. With the use of her beauty and her magic’s, she is one that takes care of herself and will go through anybody in her way of her final purpose. NICE.

 Maybe the artist is in to painting women he has no chance of getting, a dream date as you will.  Any case, the artist Leonid Kozienko has a done a wonderful job in creating a dream girl for every DnD player out there. Well done sir…well done.

I give it 9 out of 10.

Well I need to unload all the stimulus cash that just showed up and drink some Kool-Aid.

Till next time…..adieu.

ROD'S REVIEW

However long one gazes at this lovely portrait, one will always discover new complexities in its rich composition. The pendulous curve of the woman’s chin is repeated in the lines of her breast. This method is similar to what we have observed in Kozienko’s prior work. He has achieved continuous movement throughout the portrait, without letting it become agitated or uneven. It is for this superlative mastery in composition that artists have long admired Kozienko. Just as Michelangelo reached the highest peak in his mastery of the human body, Kozienko has taken his rightful place atop the modern world of fantasy art.

It is the contrast between light and dark that makes the initial impact. The arcing black outlines, which in Kozienko’s later work will take on a life of their own, here dramatically outline her figure. But what is more admirable is that all this is taken up in the figure of the Black Magic woman herself. The expression on her face, with red eyes and platinum blond hair, speaks of near-naked complicity, yet her personality is somewhat concealed. She has the expression of a mindless flirt. But the woman is burdened by thought, the lines of the body suggesting her fatalism, the mood intensely self-examining.

At the emotional center and hinge of this portrait, the magic itself receives Kozienko’s most concentrated attention. The soft light rising from the woman’s hand casts shadows on her arm, lower torso, and muscular thigh. But she understands the impending outburst of energy. So the woman stares beyond it. This detail itself bears catastrophic implications, and Kozienko means for us to see it. The affirmation of her conjugal wholesomeness turning into the foundation for her future infidelity. No wonder then that her stare is both concentrated and preoccupied, her lips taut, but on the verge of trembling, her eyebrows tightly formed, yet battling against the arrival of tears.

Kozienko was asked by a fellow contemporary artist where he had found a model of such beauty. He replied that he did not use any specific model but rather formed an idea of her in his mind. In doing so, Kozienko has forsaken a faithful depiction of nature and transformed it according to his own idea of beauty. This inclination is not without its dangers. If the artist deliberately exaggerates nature, his work may easily look trite. But when looking at this portrait, we see that he could idealize without any loss of integrity in the result. There is nothing diagrammed in Black Magic woman’s loveliness. She is a being of a brighter world of honor and beauty.

The Barbarian King by Emily 'Alita' Silver

SCOTT'S REVIEW

A very interesting piece for the month of February that I have been asked to review for the GameHole: the Barbarian King. I could get all art school on you and say how the contrast between the foreground and background are just horrendous and the line quality needs to be looked at and color selection is something that needs to be forgotten. Sure it would be easy to rip apart this piece by Ms. Silver, but what does that prove. Does it look like the artist has no interest in this piece…sure. Does it look like an eight year old pulled out the Crayon© box and finished the background…..you bet.

But is that why we view fantasy art? Just to rip it to shreads and bring the confidence of this poor artist down so low in the hope that she doesn’t quit her day job?

Your damn right we do.

Lets’ start with the background; the sweet 70’s panel board I’m sure was very popular in the age of the cat barbarian and it’s drawn to perfection. WRONG!! Come on Emily, were you that completely disinterested in this art just to fire off a couple brown lines in back of the cat two-some? Like I said before, any eight year old could have dreamt and drawn a better background then what is portrayed here.

Now lets turn our attention to the two cat like figures. The Barbarian King….hardly. If anybody knows me, they know I know barbarians, and this sweet heart is no barbarian…nice try. But it’s the art that really needs to be looked at. If you notice how flat the drawing looks, there is no depth in the work. The only feeling of depth is from the front talons and the slave's face and breasts. Poorly done my dear.

Maybe try a different color thickness next time or contrasting color to offset the surrounds and give yourself the depth you desire.
So let’s hope that the next go around for Ms. Silver has the passion and desire that is really needed to produce fine quality artwork for the GameHole to review.

Till then, I bid adieu.

SEAN'S REVIEW

I think my counterpart up top has totally missed the point of this fine piece of work by Ms. Silver. Sure as Scott notes you can look at the art itself and the fact that she clearly had a couple extra Raw Sienna and Raw Umber crayons lying around, but her thrifty color use doesn't tell the full story.

Look at the human (human-animal hybrid?) tragedy being depicted here. It’s written all over his disproportionately tiny face. I mean dude’s eye got scratched out and he hasn’t even gotten around to getting a badass patch to slap over that sucker, just straight back to work. I'm sure he was hailed as a hero after saving this land of his and decided that settling down as king would be a pretty cherry gig. Little did he realize when he gave up his general barbarianing duties that this was the sort of shit he was going to have to put up with.

Sitting all day listening to peasants piss and moan about the food, their wood paneling and god knows what else. And if you are going to be seated all day long making decrees and taking names in the fashion that I assume a Barbarian King would, shouldn’t you be doing it from something a little nicer than what appears to be a crudely chair shaped tree stump? So between the discomfort of the chair and of course the pain from the bacterial infection which must be causing the massive swelling in his hands and feet this man clearly needs some help.

In these dark times a man should be able to turn to the woman in his life, enter Wanda, the barbarian's likely well-meaning slave girl. Is she getting in there and rubbing his sore inflamed appendages? No, she's just standing passively in the back wrapped in a couple loose fitting chains not helping one damn bit and staring right into the camera to top it all off. Perky boobs can only get you so far there Wanda and patience probably isn't the strong suit of the Barbarian King. I think you can see a slight snear of disgust on his nearly microscopic smudge of a mouth.

This is the most heartrending depiction of a cat person I have ever come across and a credit to the imagination of the artist.

So don't let yourself be fooled by the shoddy line work, the coloring apparently performed by an individual in the grips of an epileptic seizure, or the total disinterest in anatomy or detail. This woman has a bright future in the world of fantasy art.

Congratulations on your first review in the Gamehole Ms. Silver, many a promising career has started here.

NUTSON'S REVIEW

Here at thegamehole.com, we are trying to take our game up a notch. During our hiatus we have survived several reality shows featuring Flavor Flav, the guy from Poison, and Donald Trump. I think something happened in New Orleans at one point, and I hear China got a little shaky-shaky there for a while.  Tom Hanks stopped starring in Bosom Buddies, and made that da Vinci Code movie.  In other words, this is not the same world we lived in just a few short years ago.  Things are evolving, progressing, and improving?  It turns out nothing is straightforward and simple anymore, everything is a complicated riddle with multiple meanings. 

Take fantasy art for example.  It used to be all dragons and vaginas, elves and anime.  There was no real attempt at anything artistic, it was just old timey porn.  But now, lo, we have someone taking a real stab at art.  Fantasy art sure, but art.

Don’t believe me?  Take a look at this month’s selection.  It’s by a good friend of the gamehole, Todd Lockwood.  As you probably guessed, the title is “Todd5”.  This cat has painted tons for TSR, and other big fantasy art items and areas.  This piece features a legit attempt at an old school Roman frieze in the background.  Some jammed together entablature decorated with bas-reliefs.  Just like the fancy artists use.  Traditionally, background like that is where an artist would show off attention to detail, and skill with perspective.  A real pro will also include a bit of symbolism, and we have that here as well.

That’s no onion.  That’s a pomegranate.  Some big dogs have included pomegranates in their paintings.  Guys like Botticelli, and da Vinci.  You want some symbolism?  That’s one of the fruits in the bible that Israel got instead of yeast I guess.  Along with watermelon and kiwis.  Some people think it was actually a pomegranate in the Garden of Eden – not an apple.  And how’s this for a nice modern day tie-in?  The oil from Pomegranate seeds may slow breast cancer.

So let’s unravel this complex piece.  You want the pomegranate or the boob?  Why would anyone ever choose the pomegranate?  Because this chick has a mustache.  I know the pomegranate is native to Iran or Afghanistan or some other formerly civilized country where the ladies are known to have the hummus encrusted ‘stash.  Todd has clearly spent more time sketching breasts than faces.  What else is Todd trying to tell us here?  It can’t be an accident that the image is separated into a triptych by the frieze borders.  One cut through the neck.  The other across the waist.  And there, I think, is where this piece starts to make some sense.  This is one of those wacky picture games where you can mix and match the top with a different middle or bottom.  So which ones did Todd choose?

The bottom third could be any robe wearing gal.  In this case I'm guessing Heather Locklear.  That middle has to be Trisha Underwood.  Combining those gives us ‘Lockwood’.  Clever one chow-chow.  Leaving us only the head to deal with.  It’s either John Leguizamo, or, well, Todd.  Wouldn’t it make sense that this is a da Vinci-esce Mona Lisa tribute self –portrait of the artist?  Admit it, it makes about as much sense as anything else at this point.  The background and pomegranate are nods to da Vinci, which necessarily invokes Mona Lisa, the much fabled maybe self-portrait and the subject of the da Vinci code.  Todd knew that the gamehole would eventually review this piece.  He has waited patiently all these years.  And now, millennia of mystery have been solved!  Finally, you, the viewer, can be entrusted with Todd’s, and I daresay mankind’s, most precious truth…

Boobs are cool.

NUTSON

Art and the Krammer have always had an uneasy relationship. Sort of like Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan in Rush Hour. Art is the hot tempered iconoclast (Chris Tucker) while I (J.C.) am the more even tempered partner. I have seen a lot of art and Chris Tucker over the years and do not really care for either. As far as art goes, there is really no meaningful difference for me between the Mona Lisa and one of those stupid ass Nagel's. Both have poorly rendered females.

The reader then may rightly ask why a philistine like myself is writing an art review. Well, that is because I drew the short straw so we are just going to have to make the best of it.

My pessimism aside, this piece has some positive elements. Well, actually only one - cleavage. Other than that, this thing is pretty typically crappy.

I do like the obvious foil of the willing nubile juxtaposed upon the homo-erotic charioteering imagery in the background. I know what some of you are undoubtedly saying, what is gay about chariots? Well, fucking everything. Just ask Ben Hur - he loved the pipe. Seriously, charioteering is men chasing men in mini-skirts.

I also get that this chick is willing and wanton and is also apparently ripe, as is heavy handedly expressed by the fruit she is holding in her paw. One suggestion for the artist on that front - if you are going to include a piece of fruit in an image, make it look like a fricken piece of fruit. What the fuck is that? Some sort of combination of a Christmas tree ornament and a pumpkin?

The end analysis is that the subject of this piece is saying to the viewer, come show me how not gay you are unlike these homos behind me by pounding me until I drop my bizarro fruit. So, as far as fantasy art goes, this hits the mark. Easily titillated dorks can add this to their catalogue of soft core jerk.

God Bless